Smile with me, will you?

testing

2006-04-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

123456

Wish

2006-02-27T06:33:00.000-08:00

If only someone could just break/ fracture my leg/ arm and all my problems will be solved.

for the moment.

Sunday

2006-01-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

You find yourself standing on the edge of a cliff.
You ask yourself, 'to jump or not to jump?'

You put your feet out.
You take it back in.

And you think, 'Why?'
Someone answers, 'Because you are unhappy.'

Why dont you just admit it?

And you say, 'I am not THAT unhappy.'

So why are you here?
Why do you bring yourself to the edge of a cliff
Wanting to, let's say,

Escape?

You look down to the waves crashing against the rocks below.
Then you look ahead of you.

You say,

I can't see the horizon.

Changes

2006-01-17T06:26:00.000-08:00

Suddenly I found my days reduced to 4 hours of life everyday........

that sucks.

perhaps there's something good out of it.

She- Part 1

2006-01-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

She turns around and notices a faint shadow of his posture. He walks towards her, away from the darkened space to reveal his stern eyes as he glances in her direction.
Her heart breaks.
He says nothing.
She mouths an inaudible word, perhaps in the form of three syllables.
Yet, he says nothing.
He turns away from her, walks away and leaves her with a tight vacuum in her heart.
Why hadn't he said anything?
He gradually drifts into a bleak horizon, away from her tearful sight. At the slightest moment she thought she had lost him, forever. Where is he going? Away?
A clenched hand taps her on her left shoulder. Frozen with fright, she turns around impulsively to discover that she has, indeed, encountered a sharp, streaking pain across her lower abdomen....

2006

2006-01-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

I love the world.
And I am waiting for it to love me.

I tell myself to stay high. And keep every dream alive.

mistakes

2005-11-20T00:36:00.000-08:00

how many mistakes can one make before they can finally get it right?

I cried today

2005-11-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know why

but I cried today.

I cried today
wishing I was pretty.

so that,
they could believe
that
maybe,
I have a golden heart.

so that
friends..
will never be ashamed to
walk beside me.

I wished I was pretty

so that
someone could say to himself
that
'I could love her.'

so that, maybe

no one
will ever laugh at me again
when I told them my dreams.

or I could look in the mirror
and smile
and say to myself, 'I don't look so bad.'

I will never be laughed at
or make myself throw up

precious food.

perhaps and maybe,
no one will ever look at me and say,

she's got nothing.

And so I went to bed that night.
And dreamt of a man who was blind.

And he whispered into my ears,

'You are beautiful.'

I smiled at him,

and deep in my heart I wished
that
hopefully,

I will never have to wake up again.

Paradise

2005-09-26T06:56:00.000-07:00

fade in
(flashback)

Kyle: Look back, thats paradise behind you. You may not see this again for quite some time.

Ger: It seems like I have just been to Heaven and back.

Kyle: Surreal, right?

Ger: Magical.

JEWEL

2005-08-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far away from where I've been
I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too
Got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks and make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off of the mirror, don't leave the keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore 'cause
Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, that you love me and soon you will see
You were meant for me and I was meant for you
I Called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad and
It made me miss you oh so bad cause
Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, that you love me and soon you will see
You were meant for me and I was meant for you
I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick up a book and turn the sheets down and then
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I, I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, that you love me and soon you will see
You were meant for me and I was meant for you
Yeah, you were meant for me and I was meant for you

Question.

2005-08-30T02:57:00.000-07:00

Ever had someone dump you just because you are not good in bed?

August 18.

2005-08-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today I feel awful. I really do.

I feel so used. I feel so alone. I feel so shit. I feel so bad.

I haven't stopped crying.

I told myself I will be alright. I told myself that I can handle this.
I used to be able to. I used to be stronger.

Why am I giving in? Where is the sun on a summer's day?

Maybe it wont happen again?

Maybe it wont.

Miedo

2005-07-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

It took me a while to realise that many things scare me.

I am afraid of fate.
I am afraid of falling in love.
I am afraid of setting foot on unknown territory.

I am afraid of myself.

I guess one of the reasons I've started this blog is to sort out the little complexities of life. I turn 22 in a few days time, realising that I've not grown up much since I left high school.

Yeah, that sucks.

People tell me they want to live my life. Funny how people would think that I am constantly cheery and carefree 24/7. Truth is I do ache as much as other supposed mortals. And sometimes smiling can be a pain on my ass.

I guess I've always been lucky. Many things could have turned out worse. Lyn's never been beautiful. Behind that self-inflicted ideal facade, she's been dumped, trashed and disposed more than you'll ever know.

You thought she could get any guy she wants.

You're pretty much wrong.

Which is why I am posting on this site rather than the more popular one.
I kinda need to vent and hide my vulnerability at the same time, so I hope my friends will not stumble onto this post.

god, what the fuck am I waffling about???

For strangers out there, I hope you can relate.

At the end of the day, the fun-loving Lyn you thought you knew will always be wretched.
Full Stop.

Stalled.

2005-06-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

My heart stopped.
My blood froze.
My mind stalled.
My heart dropped.
My blood leaked.
My mind swayed.
My heart bruised.
My blood reeled.
My mind purged.

My heart BROKE.

I coudn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

I could not CRY.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID ME.

Clouds

2005-06-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

Clouds

Oh! how they shift away
Bring on the sunshine
and hide them away

Oh! How they march together
Dim the daylight
Drifting light as feather

Oh! How they invade the sky
Shield the earth
As they begin to cry

Oh! How their tears befall
Little and giant drops
Splattering earth's call

Oh! And how their sadness dry
Away they drift
To the far distance, they wave goodbye.

Why am I not Smiling?

2005-06-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

The tears have long gone and yet I am not smiling
Why? Is there an empty heart in me that is ailing?

But they say that pain and sorrow come and go
But my heart lingers so endlessly not long ago

Is this the path I was born to take?
Is this the smile that I long to fake?

If crying is a game, I am not but one
I face it with courage, but broke to none

Ancient wounds live selfishly in my present scars
They devour my desire to trust my dreams to the stars

If a moon has long gone, the sun rises
Begins another day with hopeful surprises

Then why am I not smiling?

Everything will be alright

2005-04-11T02:57:00.000-07:00

There is a little child wandering in the woods,
Lost and unhappy, but afraid to stay through the night,
With his bare feet he steps upon the evil roots
An echo in this heart whispers to him, 'Everything will be alright.'

He walks, and wanders, desolute in his destination
Lonely and afriad, unsure of what is to happen,
His hands are bleeding, they are unloved and in desolation
His heart ached in pain, but who knows if there is a resolution.

At home, amongst the shelter, warmth and comfort
This was a little child who acquainted with happiness
There's nothing else which his heart desires, except to be loved
He was a happy child blessed with light heartedness

Then a lightning struck the blissful picture
A perfect child shattered into millions of pieces,
Leaving a silver tear trailing down an unknown future
Those little knees bent, desperately picking up the sharp pieces

He now looks around him, trembling by the ghostly silence,
Loneliness has set in, followed by his forlorn heart.
A sudden change of fate has sent him on a drastic penance
A teary-eyed child is trying to mend his life, which has just been torn apart.

Pressured by a sense of insecurity and monstrous depression,
Afraid of the unknown darkness, the child tightly held his teddy bear
A sudden misunderstanding has trapped him into a maze of oblivion
He fled downheartedly, deliriously hoping to escape this territory of fear.

Feelings of lovelessness and abandonment has caused the child to cry in silence
While other children is tucked into bed, he drifts and wanders through the night
He was once a perfect soul mercilessly exploited in his innocence.
The only residue of love known to him is the voice that says ,' Everything will be alright.'

I am from...

2005-04-11T02:48:00.000-07:00

I am from lazy pigs rolling in the mud
I am from birds condemned in captivity
I am from flowers reaching out for sunlight
I am from grass, plucked and trampled upon
I am from teddy bears sitting idly in the room
I am from stars twinkling above the sky
I am from a lonely horse which trots towards the horizon
I am from rainbows, seen in awe but cannot be touched.

Rainbows

2004-11-14T16:57:00.000-08:00

Friday, November 12, 2004

What do you do when you have lost a colour of your rainbow?
It feels, surreal, you know.
It feels, like, you could never wake up again.
And you don't know what to do.
Even a week later,

You really dont.

My perfect life was embraced by seven colours.
Seven colours; one for divinity.
Five colours for the five beautiful souls whom I eternally love with all my heart.
And one hopeful colour for the stranger who has yet to walk into my life.

On the 6th of November, my rainbow did not seem right.
A colour has faded away.
Much too early.

I thought, I will be home for Christmas, and we will have fun together.
I thought, maybe, he will meet my boyfriend one day.
And i thought, when I am home for good,
We could grow old together.

But on the 6th of December
He never came home.

I don't know where he is.
And I was, and still am, afraid to pray.
He never woke.

I wished I told him how much I loved him.
I wish, that someone will tell me, if I can ever see him again.

If God ever hears my prayers, I will only ask of Him that
He will keep my Sam under His safe wings.

If this was a punishment from vengeful destiny,
then there are many others out there who are left unpunished.

If this was the result of karma,
then our fates are ruled by a blind and infantile force.

If either of this is true,
I will not allow the juvenile nature of Life to destroy me.

And with every courage, I pray that,
after the rain,

My rainbow will look just as beautiful as it did before.

I care. And I Love.

2004-07-20T11:24:00.001-07:00

Close your eyes,
Believe that magic lingers within the scars of your sorrowful heart.

You are not sure what, but
Something breaks you, kisses you, and heals you.

Even if love has to be painful,
It is alright,
Perhaps someday,

Somewhere or somehow,

Everything will be alright.

I care for you,

And I wish I could do more

Do not take what I love away from me.

2004-05-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

'Time will pass me by
Maybe I will never learn to smile
But maybe I will make it through
If you wait for me.'

--------------------

Muse

2004-05-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

Illuvia De Noviembre- Draft

Sergio: Haimle, I can’t. I wish I could but the last thing I want is to incorporate you into a life that you do not deserve.
Haimle: But if I love you, would you allow yourself to love me?
Sergio: No. It will be a selfish principle.
Haimle: What's the use of life when you don’t love?
Sergio: When you are in my world theres no love but pain. Even if I learn to love, it will only be small temporary phenomenon. This place is my escape.
Haimle: Into reality.
Sergio: Into a perfect world.
Haimle: Sergio, I only want this to last forever. I want to wake up with you by my side. Just you. You know I would give up the rest of my life just to hear you say I love you. Or all that I ask is to die in your arms..
Sergio: (interrupts) There’s no way I will let you do that.
Haimle: But I am on every edge of falling in love with you. I hate myself for that. I love and I love…
Sergio: Haimle, you will always have a place in my heart and I will never harm you in any way. Even if it means that I have to deny every feelings I have towards you.
Haimle: So you do love me then ?
Sergio: Havent I explained enough?
-----

A knock on the window.

2004-05-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

Here's an excerpt from my half-completed script, November Rain,and this is one of my favourite bits. Ignore the technical specs.
---------------------------------
Haimle's Monologue: (face shot as she walks away from Sergio)
They always say it rains when the world turns its back on you.
Sometimes I wished, just like movies, that he would run after me and call my name.
But that didn’t happen. (Reverse shot on Sergio)
And I didn’t look back, for it would only shatter my dreams into smaller pieces.
I would be then left alone to piece them back together in desolation.
Or rather, I could leave those shattered pieces on the ground to graze those who may trample upon them.
I chose the latter. (Medium shot on Haimle, as she closes her eyes, shot of her tears)
(reverse angle on her back)
*Scene Change*
---------------------------------

2004-05-26T04:01:00.000-07:00

Never take love for granted :)

What do you see when you close your eyes?

2004-05-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

You know, there are some days when you wish you could turn back the pages of a book and wished that you were, somehow, part of the book?

You don't know why.
You don't know how.
And it doesn't make sense.
Because nothing does.

But i think it kinda makes life, somewhat special.

You know, how it can sometimes hurt you? And it can also make you giggle to yourself when you are alone?

Life is, rather, cute. You would say. It makes you silly.

I am a silly girl. Silly in the sense where I can complain ruthlessly about the absence of luck but I can also preach about how beautiful fate can be.

I love the way everything contradicts because it won't make me give up.
And it makes you wonder, hell, can I live the life of a movie?

I think I can. I just have to close my eyes, and walk. Just keep walking.
Things may not turn out sweet, but it is ok.
Thats because you are doing something extraordinary.

I could go on a holiday and make love to a stranger.
Or maybe, you could tell someone that he/she is beautiful.
Just anyone, you know.
I think it can be rather nice.

I have to keep telling myself that I only live once.
A few decades from now, I could die. And then that would be a problem.

If you love what I have just written, I love you.